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Who Do You Want To Be?

June 14, 2010

Incredible photo of the library at the Omega Institute by my friend Cortney Ostrosky.

I used to always think, “I want to be someone who goes to yoga 5 days a week?” and now I have become that person. When we want our lives to go in a certain direction, when we want to be something or someone, the most important thing is to just do it.  Just take up that practice we want in our lives, just eat healthy foods this meal, just go to bed and wake up early.   These are the things I want in my life, health, structure, my practice, the things I have observed which make me truly happy, which make me feel self-confident, and joyful.

So why is it so hard to make decisions that fall inline with this?  Often when I have been “good” for a week, I am craving just to do something “bad,” whether it be to skip class, eat some crap, stay up watching mindless reality tv, anything that draws me away from my focus and intention.  Perhaps it is because I feel  a little caught in the middle.  I don’t want to completely give up on my friends and old habits and I’m certainly not ready to be the ultimate devoted yogi.  Many of the ancient texts, including the Yoga Sutra and the Hatha Yoga Pradipika, say that having friends who are disinterested in a spiritual practice are among the hindrances or obstacles to the path of yoga.  I have observed in my own life how true this can be and am surprised that even thousands of years ago, this was apparent to the great sages of yoga.  I have also seen how keeping “good and virtuous company” can take you deeper along the path then you imagined.  For me, as with all things, it is about balance.  And I need to see some oneness in my relationships with others, rather than splitting everything apart, categorizing, and creating this duality between “good” and “bad”.  Everyone in my life has something positive to offer me or a lesson to teach me, so long as I am able to see it that way.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. Harper permalink
    June 15, 2010 2:00 pm

    You are good and virtuous company. LOVE this.

  2. June 16, 2010 10:39 am

    Hmmm, yes, I think about these things as well. I wonder if that craving for something bad is more about needing a break – because following your intentions on a spiritual (let alone physical, emotional, etc.) path can feel like a sense of being “on” all the time. Its nice to be off. I try to find breaks that feel like breaks, but keep me on the path, for example no yoga today – but a longer meditation session.

  3. June 17, 2010 12:35 pm

    You are totally right about finding breaks that still keep you on the path and don’t let you back slip… I am so with you! Thank you so much for this comment. xxxxxxxxxx

  4. jon hill permalink
    July 26, 2010 1:40 pm

    love you. and i love that you love me back. im lucky in that respect. keep up the good work. strange…

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